Briefly in Brussels

I’ve popped down to Brussels for the night. Have a full day meeting tomorrow that starts at 9 am, which is too early in terms of getting here in time from Stockholm. So I had to fly down tonight. Bummer, as I have so much to do, both at work and at home. The good thing is that there’s a tub, and I passed by a Lush for a “butter bomb” on my way here. I only have a shower at home, so I try to enjoy a bath whenever I’m in a hotel. Also – the chocolate and beer is divine. In my glass there is currently Leffe Bruin, and I have two bars of Galler chocolate in the fridge…yum!

Unfortunately I also have a very stuffed nose. The price you pay for crusing around town in your celebratory golden tights in spite of the cold weather, I suppose. Oh well, the team, MY team, is worth it!

AIK SM-GULD 2009!!!!!

Best team in Sweden - like I've always said!

I’ll keep it short but sweet tonight: WE WON!!! AIK brought the gold back to Solna, and who put the last nail in the coffin for Blåvitt? TJERNA!!! My favourite, and our captain! Of course. I cried when he scored. A m a z i n g! What a game… More tomorrow.

True love: me + AIK + Tjerna!

Here’s some from media: DN, SvD, Expressen, Aftonbladet, SvenskaFans, AIKFotboll, The Local

All Saints

Many of you have probably celebrated Halloween this past weekend, with pumpkins, costumes and far too much candy. I for one can’t wait to hear about my buddy Hairy’s adventure as a zebra on public transport in Stockholm…last word was about the combination of duct tape and hair…ouch! However, Halloween is still not a big thing here in Sweden. It’s catching on, and definitely becoming more popular, and I can see why. I mean, in this dark gloomy season we really need any old excuse to party. But this weekend is in fact All Saints weekend. Halloween is of course the modern name for All Hallows Eve, but the deeper meaning of it has probably been lost in between trick-or-treaters and pumpkin carving.

It’s a day/weekend for celebrating our Saints, but as you all know, us Swedes aren’t particularly religios, so in essence it’s a weekend when we all decorate the graves of our loved ones with spruce and pine wreaths and candles. It’s a weekend of rememberance. I made a pumpkin pie (I have after all spent three years in North America!) and headed to my parents place, and my (pregnant!) sister and her family came as well.

Speaks for itself really...let's not forget the ones we've lost.

We met up at Görvälns Griftegård, and together walked up to the memory grove. My darling niece Joanna was such a good little girl and helped us light the candles and put them down in a small group while we all took a minute and thought of the loved ones we’ve lost. It was absolutely gorgeous with all the candles lighting up the dark evening… As the others drove home dad and I walked a bit further down to visit one of my friend’s grave. It was beautifully planted with heather andhad a couple of lanterns. I can’t believe it’s been 14 years already…

Down by Marie's grave. May she continue to rest in peace.

Lighting candles makes you tired! Jojo with dad Adrian.

Take one for the team

An early morning that is.

And it was, because at 9:40 am this morning I rolled my bike (actually it was Malin’s bike) into the AIK training ground at Karlberg. I was there to give the team “the final support” as the Facebook event had been called. It was actually the first time I’d ever been to one of their trainings, but definitely not the last. I went on my own, but still had so much fun! It was awesome, one came so close to the players and there was ample opportunity to talk to them after the game. Of course I didn’t, far too shy, but the point is – I could’ve. If I’d only had some guts I would’ve walked up to my hero Tjerna and congratulated him on the new contract. Oh well, in my heart I’m doing cartwheels!

The estimate is that some 500-600 supporters showed up to give the team a warm send-off  before the trip to Gothenburg, and the final for the gold. There were bengalese fires and songs (the most frequently sung one was “Hata, hata, hata Göteborg”). The team seemed relaxed and at ease, they were joking around and clearly having a good time. It was fun to see them interact in a non-competitive situation like it is on match days. You get a better idea of what the guys are like, and who is friends with who. Like I said, I’ll definitely be back at more trainings next season!

I’m incredibly nervous about tomorrow’s game, and fear the worst, i.e. Tobias Hysén. Son of Glenn. I’ll be watching it with my usual football posse in a sportsbar in the Old Town, and oh yes – I’m so wearing my gold tights! When has there ever been a better time for it, eh?!

Here are some pics from this morning:

Here’s media’s take on this morning’s training: AIK, DN, SvenskaFans, FotbollsExpressen

Living next door to Alice

I’ve written earlier that my best friend Malin and her family moved into my building a month ago, on the very floor above me. It’s odd how that turned out considering how many addresses this city has to offer, but maybe it’s fate, eh? So now for the first time I’m living next door to Alice, which happens to be her daughter’s name. I’m of course thinking of the Smokie song. Come to think of it – there’s actually also a Sally in this building, though I’d be very surprised if she ever called me…

Anyway, in spite of my early fear of turning into an on-call babysitter I picked Alice up from daycare for the first time yesterday. It’s a ten minute walk from here, located in a park. She looked a bit surprised to see me there, but accepted the situation and we headed straight for the swings once her overalls and boots were on. And man, did I ever look and feel the part! Opening gates and pushing a stroller whilst keeping an eye on Alice running, all the while I’m holding on to a latte and talking on my mobile Dude, I’m made for this shit! This shit being motherhood, duh! Obviously.

And you know, I think that’s why I’m hurting now. The fact that I’m not seeing J anymore really hasn’t changed my day to day life much, considering I never saw him when we were a couple either, I just have to stop waiting for text messages. But – the fact that he wasted 4 months of my life and threw me back to square zero again – that pisses me right off. Because with every day, week and month that passes, the further behind I fall all my friends who have taken all those important steps – marriage, kids, house… They build a new network of other parent friends, and it’s a network I’m not a natural part of, and thus neither included nor welcome in. So, even if I have 10 years left biologically speaking, by the time that damn ship finally rolls around I’ll still be alone. My friends kids will already be big and they’ll have no time for someone with a baby.

Do you understand what I mean? These are all those issues, worries and stressing facts that the rest of you never think of, because you’re already in relationships. But it adds stress to an already stressful situation, and makes it almost unbearable. And then there’s the noise… People complain of tinnitus, well, I guess they’re men or very young women, because I have another noise in the background at all times, and it goes something like this: tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock… And it’s bloody thundering!

Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock...

I have a few friends who are undergoing IVF treatments, which of course is stressful, horrible, painful, emotional and a whole lot of other things, and people are always very considerate and understanding towards them. But what about people like myself? Howcome we’re always forgotten? I don’t even have anyone to have kids with – isn’t that even worse!? Once I finally do (please let it happen someday) I still have the medical issues to deal with (taking poison every month delays the whole process somewhat, to say the least), and after that I may discover that I too need professional fertility help!

Look, I’m not looking for pity, I just wish people were a bit more understanding, and remembered their single friends who much rather than sitting home alone yet another Friday night - because they no longer have any single friends to go out with - would like to join in a family Friday night in front of the telly. To at least make us feel like we matter, to someone.

But to return to Alice – she was fine as long as we were outside, but once we got to the flat and I started making her dinner, the floodgates opened and she cried until Malin came home. Hm. She wanted to be held by me the whole time, so it wasn’t like she wasn’t comfortable with me, but I suppose it was strange seeing how it’s never been just the two of us before. I had to lie down on the couch, she lay on my chest and cried unless I sang Pippi Långstrump songs. Poor chica (and no, I don’t mean her having to listen to my singing!).

Heartbroken

Completely, utterly, devastatingly heartbroken. Feeling single while in a relationship apparently is a bad sign. I don’t know how to explain all the emotions that run through me right now. Despair I guess might be the best word – [a state in which all hope is lost or absent]. Because all hope is lost. I will die alone. Childless. And bitter.

I honestly thought he was the one. I’ve never felt that way (this way) about anyone before, and you know how everyone says “oh, when you know you just know”? Well, I thought I knew. I really did. Because after our first date (in early July) I sighed with relief thinking “finally”. And although his previous claims of never having felt this way before have now turned out to be false, I really thought we were meant to be.

Now I’m thinking more along the lines of: how could you lie to my face? how could you feel this way and wait to tell me? why did you carry on like nothing had changed when it clearly had? what the hell were you doing at my house on my birthday? and how can you be so rude as to say: “it surprises me that you’re surprised by this” when breaking up?

A quote from the epic movie you all know I love is: “I knew this whole time, that even when we were happy, someday she’d kick the shit out of me”. Well, for me, that day is apparently today.

But do you know what I almost found worst? Hanging up. Because there would be no “talk to you later”, there was only going to be a “goodbye”, and one that I hadn’t really seen coming this morning (when I went to the Doc to get a long fucking needle jabbed into my knee, but that’s a whole other story from this glorious day).

Best team in town – all categories!

We won, and still have a chance at the gold! Read more in DN.

Can't decide if my favourite song is "Superettan, här kommer Bajen" or "Bye, bye Bajen"

Bajen played surprisingly well at times, and we didn’t beat them with more than 2-1 (my bet was 3-1), but still – three more points for Gnaget means we’re still one point ahead of IFK Göteborg with two games left to play. Really don’t know how we’re supposed to beat them in the last game, and away too…

Today’s win also meant that AIK by far is Stockholm’s best team. It was the first time AIK has won all the derbies in one season! That is; two against DIF and two against Bajen. Hell, we even won the two games against BP too! Forza Gnaget!

Match day!

I still don’t have a clue of what’s going on with my so called relationship, so in order to keep my sanity I’m now shifting my focus to a more comforting matter – football. And there goes all my readers….sigh. Swedish football just doesn’t seem to interest anyone. But…there’s only three more games this season, and suddenly today’s derby against Bajen (Hammarby) is a very important game. AIK essentially has to win in order to still have a reasonable chance at winning the gold. Fingers crossed! Forza AIK!!!

Is couplehood meant to feel so…well, single?

Yeah, so it turns out the life as one part of a couple (at least in this very couple) very much resembles the life of a single person. Which kind of defeats the purpose of the whole idea of being part of a couple. I bump into exes more often than I see my boyfriend. No, that’s not true, it’s a downright lie, they live on other continents, but it illustrates my point.

Things were only meant to get better, right? Well, then why is he back at work the day after finally returning from Shang-bloody-hai (and why in heavens name is everything and everyone going there all of a sudden?!), it being a Friday night even? And why is he working tomorrow, Saturday, as well? Does that make this girlfriend any happier? No. The answer is no. Because I’m seeing my footy boys on Sunday, and after that it’s back to work – for me, this time. And who knows (certainly not me) suddenly there might be a bleeding trip to Delhi, Sydney or Hong Kong that I haven’t heard of before…sigh.

Is it worth struggling on? I’d like to think so, but am unsure at times. Like right now when I want to do nothing other than cry my eyes out. Which of course won’t change a thing. I’m still in love. With a douchebag.

Could it be just a "man thing", being crap at keeping in touch? Here's hoping...

Milestone

Yesterday was a milestone for this blog. It is, as I’ve stated right from the start, merely intended to entertain my friends, and to replace the mass e-mails I used to send out a few times every year.

In spite of this it’s easy to get carried away with blog stats; what makes people come to your site (in my case it seems to be the tag “yeast“)? How do you make them come back? So, a few months ago I set up a goal. The goal was for the blog to have 12 000 visits in one year, i.e. 1 000 visits a month. Seemed a little crazy at the time, but yesterday I reached it! I wrote my first post on November 14^th last year, and yesterday, the 19^th of October, I had my 12 000^th visit! Awesome! And a little scary…

However, though I actually meant to write for my friends, my writing has also made me new friends as well, which is really cool! It’s a bit addictive, so I’ll keep going, though I’m not sure who you who read it are, or what you get out of it